God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize