ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize