I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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