I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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