she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
