The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
