is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
