a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How external is "for external use only"?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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