well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
