I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
