I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Randomize
