Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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