Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
