ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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