It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
