I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
