There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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