I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
