No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
