end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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