i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
