Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
