plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
