After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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