i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
