My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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