Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need moral support for this bender
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
