yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was like eating out sand paper
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
