If that was your dad, he is hot
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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