garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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