dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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