Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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