My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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