$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
two words: eviction party
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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