you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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