My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
