Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
