Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize