We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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