Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
