My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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