I hate your face
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I supernannyed him into submission
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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