I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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