I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
