if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Small penises have feelings too.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
