Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
