I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
