I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
