sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh god it's open bar.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
