Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
