There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
