I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize