he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
