put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
