is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
