dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
