i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
