Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
