I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
