you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize