it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
