the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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