What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
