not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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