hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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