This dress was meant to end up on your floor
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
